dad

to start to talk about my father is really hard. He passed away at the age of 52 when i was 27 years old. I felt really bad for my sister who hadnt even finished high school yet and was living with my mom who was totally off in left field with her psyco behavior. My sister came to live with me before his death and i think that started the problems with me and my mom. My sister thinks i really didnt want her, but it was because of my mom that i convinced her to go live with her agian. My mom was horrible to me during that time, and i could not take her behavior any more.

Getting back to my father, i have great memories of having fun at the park while he played ball, sitting at the bar stool sipping coke while he played pool and running around late at night while he drank with his friends. Do you see a pattern???

Dads drinking controlled everything. I remember walking home from school with a pit in my stomach just hoping he wouldnt come home drunk. When he came home drunk, the fighting would begin and i would hide to try to get away from it.

Was he a bad father??? not sure, i was never hit, or verbally abuse by him, that was covered quite will by my mother.

My biggest regret was my last conversation with him. We had an argument and i told him to F-off. He calmed my down and we were to meet on Monday to talk out our differences. He died on the previous Friday.

Growing up with a father who drinks and a mother who is bipolar is very difficult. You have to make a choice very young, to either follow in their footsteps or make a difference. It is only up to you. I made to choice to be different and continue to try to improve my life.